Announcement!

Announcement time! Over much discussion and prayer, Grant and I have decided to start the adoption process again when Liam turns one, which is just about a month away! Grant and I have decided to start it sooner rather than wait because you never know how long the process can take and we know we want Liam to have a sibling somewhat near his age. Of course, the plans are not up to us so we'll see what God desires.

We are so excited to have another little join our family and we are calling this next adventure, "the superhero needs a sidekick", hence the picture you see above. Throughout this next adoption adventure we will be doing some fundraising and collecting money for "Liam's sidekick" fund. There will be more details later.


We will be working with the same agency we used before, Nightlight Christian Adoptions. We chose to go with them again because we had an overall positive experience. We will have to start from the beginning with the homestudy process and many of the pieces entailed in that. The paperwork process shouldn't take as long as it did the first time (which was about 6 months) but we will have to spend some time updating it now that we have Liam in our lives. We can't wait to get started and look forward to this next chapter of our lives and including Liam in it! He is our superhero and he needs his sidekick!




"Children are a heritage from the Lord, offspring a reward from Him."
Psalm 127:3

Choose Joy 2016 - Finding Refuge in the Storm

"Life without God is not immunity from difficulties, but peace in difficulties" -C.S. Lewis

So this year Grant and I had the opportunity to once again go to the Choose Joy conference. We heard about this conference last year, attended, and immediately purchased tickets for the following year the minute they went on sale.

I have to tell you that this conference is life changing. It's an infertility and adoption conference where you are put in a room with hundreds of others who are facing similar challenges who can help you, comfort you, and guide you along your journey. It's simply amazing. Seriously, I can't say enough about Choose Joy. The theme this year was "Finding Refuge in the Storm." The decor started with black umbrellas hung from the ceiling symbolizing the darkness of the storm and at the end of the conference they were replaced with rainbow umbrellas symbolizing the joy that can be found and the promise of God. What an amazing feeling it was to walk in to a colorful, bright, and joyful room after a long weekend of confronting feelings and hearing so many tough but beautiful stories!

During the second day of the conference we had the opportunity to attend four breakout sessions. there were so many to choose from that I had a difficult time deciding. I ended up going to the following: "an open discussion of infertility", "birth mother panel", "how to better love your birth family", and "seeking God through infertility and adoption". All were amazing with speakers that told us their stories and offered guidance. I learned so much in just one weekend!

One of the women in the open discussion group said something that really hit me. She said that she was very loud about her adoption but very quiet about her infertility. She said that she felt that God wanted her to be loud about both, meaning to speak up and talk about infertility and her struggle. Since doing so, she has been able to help other women who are struggling with the same thing. I think this hit me because I was also very open and "loud" about our adoption. We had so much help and heard so many stories because of it. I am quiet about everything else. So here I am....being "loud." I feel like her testimony has encouraged me and now I feel that need to open up about some things. So, to those who are reading, this is about to get real. I'm not doing this for any sort of attention or for any sort of pity but just to inform and maybe be some help to someone who is going through something similar. So here goes...

I am working through, struggling, dealing, hurting, seeking God, and living with infertility. It is partially non-diagnosed.  I know, what does that mean right? It means that I have been diagnosed with a physical/mental issue that makes pregnancy difficult, but not impossible. The other part is more the medical side of it. I have not gone through all of the testing and the poking and prodding (only a little) therefore it is deemed "non-diagnosed". I know it doesn't make a ton of sense but I can't go into too much detail just because of how personal it can get for me and my husband. I have also never met anyone (yet) going through the same issues and diagnosis so it makes it tough to really open fully about it.

Infertility is defined as "the inability to conceive or carry a pregnancy to term after 12 months of trying to conceive". It's not an easy thing to really talk about but did you know that 1 in 8 women are struggling with it? Why shouldn't we talk about it? Community helps us get through those tough times. No one else can understand why baby showers are hard to go to, why watching friend after friend get pregnant makes it harder to say 'congratulations', or why once a month we become an even more emotional wreck. We need to talk about this with others who can help and who can be that support and who understand.

Grant and I decided to adopt long before we decided to try for children. We knew that it would always be in the plans but we never knew when. God decided that now was the time for us. We absolutely LOVE our adopted son, Liam. He is the best thing that has ever happened to us and we wouldn't trade him for the world. He has been the biggest blessing to us. This doesn't, however, change the grief I feel. I know that it will never fully go away. There will always be that longing to know what it's like to carry a child in my belly, to experience that fluttering, the bubbles, the butterflies, the kicks, or whatever they actually feel like. I want to experience childbirth and the miracle that it is. Please don't tell me that I don't need to feel the grief because, "at least I have my son" or that I can just adopt again or childbirth is so painful and I had a kid the "easy" way. Don't tell me all the stories of how your friends adopted then got pregnant so that will happen to me too. It may......but it may not. It's all God's plan and none of us know what that really is. Hearing those stories aren't that encouraging, sorry. I read a really great article of ways to support a friend who is struggling with infertility and I thought it was super amazing. I just have to share it with you all. Here is a little bit of what it said and the ways you can support friends struggling:

1. Listen to your friend. You may not understand the emotions fully, but be willing to listen when she is ready to talk about it. If you don’t know what to say, simply empathize that what she is going through is really hard. Don’t force her to talk about her emotions, but let her know you are there for her when she is ready.

2. Avoid giving unsolicited advice. Every situation is different, and every set of circumstances are unique, so avoid telling her about your neighbor’s cousin or friend of a friend of a friend who did XYZ and got pregnant. Phrases like “Just relax!” or “Take a vacation!” or “Adopt, then you’ll get pregnant!” should be avoided. You can always assume that a couple going through infertility has looked into and discussed many options, so unless they ask for your opinion, just share how much you care and how much infertility sucks.

3. Reach out to her with small gestures. A card, call, text, or email, simply letting her know how much you care about and are thinking of her will mean so much. Every day is a struggle to a friend struggling with infertility. Become familiar with your friend’s calendar landmines, such as Mother’s Day or a due date after a miscarriage, and take the time to acknowledge those days. Coffee gift cards, a small bouquet of flowers, or an invitation for an afternoon out means so much.

4. Be mindful of your audience when you need to complain or vent. She recognizes that pregnancy may be difficult or being a mother to young children is tiring. Keep in mind that someone experiencing infertility would do anything to trade their child-free life in for your swollen feet and sleepless nights. Sharing your struggles is important, but it’s typically going to be better received and validated by friends who aren’t as sensitive.

5. Keep her in your life. Your friend loves watching you be a mom. She wouldn’t wish the pain of infertility or secondary infertility on anyone. Sometimes seeing your joy will remind her of her own sadness, but she doesn’t want you to sit and wallow with her all the time. She doesn’t want to eliminate all child-bearing friends from her life! She loves being included and being invited to your baby shower or child’s birthday parties. Just understand that there are good days and bad days, and if she can’t make it, it’s not personal. Love her anyway. Don’t leave her feeling isolated. Offer her grace and support.

[ click here for the link to the full article above ]

I just wanted to share with everyone, especially as Mother's Day comes up, how we need to be sensitive. So many people struggle with infertility and don't know how or don't want to speak up about it. Let's be mindful about what we say and know how much our words can truly affect someone. If you don't know what to say, then just pray.

Infertility has not been easy but part of me is so thankful for it. If Grant and I had a biological child when we had wanted one we would not have our son. I can't even imagine life without Liam. I don't know where God is leading us next in growing our family, whether we are adopting again or pursuing medical treatment and full diagnosis. We will just have to rely on our faith and pray for the next door to open and our next adventure to begin. So we continue to choose joy and find our refuge in Christ.



"These things I have spoken to you, that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be full"
John 15:11

The Adventure of [Open] Adoption

In October of 2015, Grant and I had Liam dedicated at church. This moment felt so special to me. We were giving our son back to our Father who ultimately gave him to us and we were sharing it with people that were most special to us and to Liam. It was an amazing day. Not only were my parents and my husband's mom there, but Liam's birth mom and family was there as well. 

As part of being dedicated, Grant, as head of our family, was asked to say a few words and a prayer for Liam. It was such a sweet moment watching my husband share with others his hopes for our new son. It was such a blessing to have Liam's grandparents there to witness this and amazing that his birth family could see this too. 

We are trying to include Liam's birth family on special moments like this as a way of keeping Liam's adoption part of his story. This is just one of the reasons we have chosen an open adoption for him.

Some people question whether our open adoption is a good idea but I think that's because they really don't know what it is. Grant and I get a lot of "whys?" and "how does that work?" I thought that, in this post, it would be a good idea to explain a little bit about what an open adoption means to us. Every adoption is unique so please understand that our relationship with Liam's birth family might look different than another adoptive family. I simply want to tell our story to help people better understand what open adoption can look like.

We want Liam to know where he came from and who he is. Having an open relationship means having visits with his birth family and sending pictures or texts on how he is doing. This doesn't mean we have scheduled or monitored visits, it just means we get together every once in a while to grab coffee, have dinner, or just chat. It's very friendly and very casual. We want Liam to grow up without questioning who he is or where he came from. I also believe that as he gets older, he'll be able to ask those tough questions of "why?" if he really wants. Having an open adoption simply gives Liam a connection with the people who can answer all of those questions for him. By having these questions answered for him, I think he'll better understand how adoption was a choice of love not a "giving up." I also think he'll have a better understanding of where he came from and what makes him so unique and special.

Some people might think it's strange to have a relationship with a child's birth family but I think there's a misunderstanding that comes with that. Having Liam's birth mom and dad in his life doesn't mean that he has a second parenting mother and father. They don't make life choices for him and they don't dictate what he does or what we do with him. Having Liam's birth mom in his life means he has another woman in his life praying for him and loving him. I'm not going to talk about her story because that is hers to tell but I will say that she has made an amazing and selfless choice and including her in Liam's life just gives him more love. I know that it's difficult to understand and for me personally, it took a lot of prayer before deciding that open adoption was what I wanted. There are so many crazy stories and I know that my head came up with a lot of scenarios that worried me. Researching about open adoption, hearing positive personal stories, and learning about the benefits of an open adoption help me put things into perspective. Grant and I are fully aware that it might be difficult at times, in fact it already has been a challenge at points, but we believe that this is what is ultimately best for Liam. And really isn't that what all parents want? What's best for their child?

Throughout this adventure Grant and I have learned to rely fully on God and to pull our strength from him. I have to say, I always thought that I was doing this in my life until things really got difficult. My faith was put on trial and I was left on my knees in prayer. Just look and see His answer though -- we have Liam, a healthy, beautiful, and happy baby boy. We want Liam to know that before he faces the trials he can put all his strength in God.

That being said, Grant and I each have chosen a life verse for Liam. We want these verses to be a part of him and to grow up knowing and believing and then, one day, choose his own life verse.

Grant chose Philippians 4:13 "For I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me". He chose this verse because he wants Liam to know and understand that he needs to always fall back on God for his strength through any situation. Grant said he knows life will be difficult and it never is easy but knowing that God is there to rely on makes it a little easier.

My verse for Liam is James 1:2 "Count it all joy my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds". I have this passage picked out for him to remind him that no matter the trials he faces, no matter what is happening in his life, that it all happens for a reason and to count it joy. Both of our verses seem to fall under the same "life is hard" umbrella but that's because it is. We don't want to hide what the world is really like and how difficult times can be but we do want him to know that no matter what happens there is a God and Father who loves him and will take care of him. I want Liam to learn to count his blessings and find joy in every adventure he encounters.

"Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it."

Proverbs 22:6

Welcoming our son into the world

Wow. I can't believe it's been so long since I've posted an update. Let's just say that since being matched, our life has gotten a little crazy. I'll start with saying that our little boy was born September 10th at 1:20 pm. He was 7lbs 14oz and 19 in long and he is perfect. His name is Liam and he has been the ultimate blessing to us -- we couldn't be happier.

So I thought I'd spend a little time talking about how everything went during the match, coming home, and time since then. Some people think that once you are matched then the waiting is over, the struggle with the unknown is finished and the celebrating can begin. Some people think that the adoption was as easy and going to the hospital and bringing our baby boy home. Let me just tell you all that none of these scenarios is what happens, at least not in our case. It was quite the opposite.

I'll start with the match. Grant and I were very excited to hear that we were matched. We met with our son's birth mom a few times, she chose us and we celebrated. We told our family, our friends, our coworkers, and even some strangers. We wanted to announce to the world that we would be having a baby boy. After the excitement wore off we started to feel extremely cautious about the whole situation. We were trying to guard our hearts. We were afraid to get hurt. We knew that Liam's birth mom could change her mind at any time. 

I wanted so badly to prepare for his arrival but at the same time I was afraid. I felt that somehow if I planned too much, bought too many baby things, fully set up the nursery, it would somehow jinx the whole process. I waited and put off everything I could. We had two months to wait until his arrival. I figured as time got closer then maybe I would prepare more. I even told everyone not to throw us a baby shower until after his arrival, just in case.

WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 2nd: We got a message saying that Liam's birth mom was scheduled to be induced earlier than his due date (which was Sept 17th). She was scheduled to be induced the morning of the 10th. Upon hearing this news I knew I had less than a week to prepare for Liam's arrival. That's when I started to panic. I remember I was at work, getting ready for the new school year, and panicking with some of my friends. I went on saying that I didn't have clothes or diapers or pacifiers or towels or anything. I started frantically making a list of everything I needed to get, after all, I didn't have a baby shower. I started to really stress regretting the fact that I didn't have anything prepared. It suddenly hit me that I was about to have a baby.


FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 4th: A couple of days later coming in to work I started setting up then went to our devotion and prayer with the whole staff - the way we always start our work day. Let me just preface this with, I LOVE my job. I work with the most wonderful bunch of ladies that I could ever ask for. They are always there when I need prayer, support, or a listening ear. They are more than just co-workers, they are more than just friends, they are family. That day, in devotions, they surprised me with HUGE bags full of baby essentials. Everything from clothes (in multiple sizes), shampoo, towels, pacifiers, blankets, and more. They heard the panic in my voice and got together. I couldn't believe how quickly they orchestrated everything and how much they gave. I was blown away by their love and support.

SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 6th: The next Sunday I was also surprised by my friends with a diaper bag full of little goodies, bottles, and the cutest little fox blanket, all for our boy. I've never felt so loved by all the people around me.

In four short days I was going to be a mommy. It all started to get so real so fast.





TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 8th: I went out with some of my girl friends for some tea and much needed prayer. We all met up and Peet's Coffee and gathered around to talk about our lives and share stories and pray over each other. That night I got a text message. Liam's birth mom was in the hospital. Could this be it?? I started tearing up. It hit me even harder. I knew I wasn't invited to the hospital so I'd have to wait for the "official text" to come and meet our baby. I was so happy to be in the presence of some of my best friends to share my excitement with. About an hour or so later I received another message saying that she was on her way home but had another appointment the next day to see where she was.

WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 9th: My friend came over to help me prepare a bunch of frozen meals. This was another one of my last minute preparations I was putting off. As we were cooking I got a message. Liam's birth mom was 4cm dilated and heading to the hospital. This time I was excited. I screamed, shouted, cried, and jumped for joy. I was going to be a mom. I called Grant and he was on his way home. I called my family and let them know. I texted friends and told them to pray. Liam's birth mom could still change her mind. I still had to be cautious and still guard myself but I was so overcome with joy I could hardly contain it.

That night was probably one of the hardest nights of my life. We were on the edge of our seat waiting for text updates. We stayed with friends to keep our minds off of things. I think I slept for about an hour, constantly checking my phone, hoping to hear the news. I wanted so badly to be at the hospital, at least in the waiting room, but I had to respect Liam's birth mom's choice. She would call us when she was ready.

THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 10th: Longest day of my life. We left our friends house in the morning and Grant and I decided to wait together at home, just the two of us. We were exhausted, worried, excited, anxious, nervous, and every other emotion in between. I felt sick to my stomach wondering when I would get the text. We had been getting updates on how far Liam's birth mom was in the labor but it just didn't seem to be progressing as quickly as I wanted. Throughout everything God continues to push me to rely on His perfect timing. Then there was a phone call from Liam's birth mom herself. I thought it was bad news, why would she be calling me? Wasn't she in labor? Can she talk while in labor? She must not be that far along if she can talk? My mind couldn't help but worry. I picked up the phone and Liam's birth mom told me that we could just head over to the hospital any time we wanted. She wasn't sure when she would deliver but if we wanted we could wait in the waiting room. I was THRILLED. I felt that waiting in the hospital would be so much easier than waiting at home. Grant and I quickly gathered our things and drove to the hospital. On our way we talked about our excitement and our fears. We thought about getting lunch before hand, just in case we were going to be at the hospital for a long time. We drove to a fast food place but then agreed with each other than neither of us was actually hungry and would rather be waiting at the hospital. We turned around and headed to the hospital. When we got there we checked in and headed toward the elevators. At that time, Liam's birth great grandparents came downstairs and greeted us. We chatted for a minute then got the message that she would be pushing now. We got upstairs in the waiting room and not even 5 minutes later did Liam's birth grandma come in and tell us he was here. Tears filled my eyes. My son was here. I was a mommy. If we had gone to get food I would have missed this moment. Thank you God for turning us around. What perfect timing. Grant and I silently teared up. It was hard to cover our emotions, feeling like we had to for the birth family. There was a joy and a sadness that filled that waiting room.

A few minutes later we were allowed into the room. I don't even know if i can describe my emotions at that time. There she was, this amazing woman who just went through an amazing, miraculous, and painful experience that brought me my son. And there he was, my son. He was perfect. He was sleeping on his birth mom. The nurse came in and weighed him, measured him, and gave him his first bath. After all that it was time for his first bottle. The nurse handed me my son for the first time. I stared at him. When I thought I'd be over flowing with joy I wasn't. I felt confused. In my arms was my son, but then I'd look up and see Liam's birth mom and think, this is her son. It was difficult to process. I looked at Liam and felt love and joy and then looked at his birth mom and felt sorrow. Selflessly she gave me this gift, how could I ever repay her?

We stayed and held our son, took some pictures, and held him some more. Liam's birth mom was exhausted and we knew she had been through so much that day so we left. It was so hard to leave. I wanted to stay, feed my son again, change his first diaper, watch him sleep. I didn't want to go home to our empty house and wait. Liam's birth mom still could change her mind about the adoption and that haunted my every thought. That night I barely slept.

FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 11th: Today would be the day we'd bring our son home, or so we thought. We gathered the diaper bag, the car seat, his "going home" outfit, and a cozy blanket. We were excited to see our son again and show him his new home. When we got to the hospital we met Liam's birth mom in her room and held our son. I got to feed him his meals and we all sat with each other. I still had that strange feeling and it all felt unreal. I felt like I was visiting a close friend and their son but still felt this bond between me and Liam. I wish I could describe it better. While we were there we talked with the hospital social worker and went over paperwork. Then the hospital pediatrician came in. He said he was worried about Liam's breathing and that it seemed a little rapid. They wanted to keep him one more night. My heart sunk. I thought I'd be bringing him home. I also felt for his birth mom, this means she would have to stay one more night as well. The social worker ended up doing the paperwork incorrectly making it so we were not legally his parents yet so we were not allowed to stay with him overnight. That was frustrating. That night we went home to another sleepless night.



SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 12th: We went to visit our boy. Okay, today is really the day. We packed everything up and went to the hospital. The doctor said he was still concerned and decided to have Liam spend a night in the NICU. I was devastated. Was my baby okay? This time we were allowed to be "banded" to Liam so we would be the primary visitors while he was in the NICU. This meant Liam's birth mom could go home. I watched as the woman who gave birth to my son give him a tearful goodbye kiss. I gave her a hug. I had no words to describe how grateful I was to her. I gave her a little gift that wouldn't even be close to the gift she had just given us. We followed the nurse and our son up to the NICU.

While in the NICU we had an amazing nurse. She was so sweet. She showed Grant how to change a diaper and helped us out as we fed and took care of our newborn son. She kept us posted on every check up he had and assured us just how healthy he was. We had some visitors throughout the day, friends and family and we stayed with him late in the night. After being reassured that he was in excellent hands, we reluctantly went home.

SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 13th: We went back to the hospital in the morning to see Liam. I had high hopes he would be coming home. The nurse came and told us how he was so healthy and doing so well. She said she would have the NICU pediatrician come and take a look before discharging because she heard a slight heart murmer (which is very common in newborns and normally heals with time). The pediatrician wanted to take extra precaution and said we couldn't leave until he had an utrasound. Our nurse, because she knew we wanted to leave, put in a rush order for the ultrasound and for the cardiologist who needed to look at it. Liam was a champ during the ultrasound and only fussed a little. Around 4pm or so the doctor came back and said there was a small hole but should close up normally. We would just have to schedule a cardiologist appointment in a few weeks. The nurse brought the discharge paper and we finally got to go home.

It was such a strange feeling going from no baby and little preparation for a baby and one week later bringing a newborn home. It was so surreal for such a long time. I had to remind myself that this was real and he was ours. He is our little miracle.


Now Liam is almost 4 months old. The doctor says he is such a sweet, calm, and very healthy baby. He is the joy in our lives. We keep in contact with his birth mom and birth dad. We send picture updates and visit occasionally. I hope to update the blog again sooner this time. I know this was a long post but I think the emotions behind what adoption is are different than what people assume. There are so many pieces and new dynamics to figure out constantly. It definitely is an adventure.




"I prayed for this child, and the Lord has granted me what I asked of Him. So now I give him to the Lord. for his whole life he will be given over to the Lord."
1 Samuel 1:27-28a

cautious, guarded, nervous, anxious, and excited

So I'm going to start this update right off by saying, WE'RE MATCHED!! It was quite a process to reach this stage but we are here and we got here much quicker than anticipated! It's amazing how the Lord works!! After all of the paperwork and time spent, an expectant mother viewed our profile and book and wanted to meet us. We met with her a couple of different times so she could get to know us a little. She is very sweet and artistic. We also met the biological dad and he is kind and hard working. We are eager to move forward in this process with these two and it seems like it will be easy to see a relationship and open adoption in the future with them.

As exciting as all of this sounds, I'm having a really hard time actually feeling really excited. Everyone around has been shouting, screaming, crying, hugging, and just ecstatic for us. It is such a joy to have people around us who care so much for us and for the future of our family. I love the support we always have in our family and our friends. Grant and I, on the other hand, have to remain cautious and guarded. As much as we love this expectant mom that we are matched with, we still have to understand that at any point she may chose to parent instead of proceed with the adoption plan. We aren't sure of all the details yet and will be finding them out as we move on with everything. Our social worker said she will be meeting with us in a few weeks to discuss the plan of action for the date of birth. We are carefully planning and trying to determine how much to prepare for as the baby is due mid September.

One thing we really need to do is step up with our fundraising efforts. We still have our "gofundme" site all set up and would love help there. Our goal was to raise at least $10,000 to help with covering funds. With all the different fundraisers so far, we have been able to raise $5,366.71! We are so excited that we are over halfway to our goal! Of course, the adoption is costing us more than the $10,000 so going over our goal would definitely be a bonus. Please spread the word and share our link! Every little bit helps! Click this link to help out.

We also need prayer. We would love prayer for the biological mom and dad. I can't even imagine the decision they are making and how difficult it must be. They are two very sweet people who love this child and want what is best for him. We are so thankful and feel so blessed that they have chosen us to care for this baby. Please pray for peace within them and for God's plan to be shown to them. Please also pray for a healthy baby, for our finances, and for our sanity as we anxiously prepare.

Thank you to everyone who purchased shirts, took home baby bottles, donated items to the garage sale, donated money, and helped with all of the fundraising. We have appreciated this community that has gathered around us to help bring baby Gimby home. We don't know where we'd be without everyone!

"Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart"
Psalm 37:4

Words that Hurt

I was talking with a friend the other day about my recent post and we got to talking about certain phrases that can be hurtful when talking to adoptive families. Most people don't even realize the power that their words carry. I have unknowingly used some of these common phrases as well and now that I am in the process, I see how hurtful they can be. I have decided to write a post to do a little educating. I think it's important for those going through the process to give a little grace to those who don't know that what they say hurts but to also educate others so they know a better way to say it. So here goes. Here is a little list of some phrases that hurt and better ways to state them.


"The child was 'given up'  for adoption"
A better way to state this would be "the child's birth parents chose adoption". Choosing adoption is a selfless and brave act. It's not "giving up" but it's choosing a different path for the child

"It will be just like having one of your own"
Um...this child will be my own. I would shy away from this sentence all together.

"After you adopt you'll probably get pregnant."
I don't think I have a better sentence for this, just don't say it. Only God knows the plans for us whether that is to get pregnant days after the adoption, years after, or even never. It will be what it will be.

"Are you unable to have children of your own?"
First, I am having my own child, just in a different way. Second, instead ask "How did you decide to adopt?"


"That's great you're adopting, it's so much easier than having the child yourself."
This process is far from easy. Just continue to follow this blog and you will see.

"You're adopting? But don't you want any children of your own?"
This one stung. I am having a child of my own but just not in the "conventional" way. Adopting is a choice Grant and I have made. It is not a last resort. We feel that our difficulty getting pregnant was God's push for us to adopt. We always felt we would and this was our sign to do it now. It's not that we don't want biological children, we just feel that God's plan for us right now is adoption.

These are some phrases that I've already heard that have been difficult for me. After research I have a few more that I could see later as being potentially painful and what others have already said, "please don't say this to me."

"Who are his/her 'real' parents?"
The adoptive parent is his/her real parent. The better way to say this is "who are his/her biological or birth parents?"

"What kind of a person would give up a child?" or "Why was he/she given up for adoption?
Birth parents who choose adoption are not all bad and immoral people. This is a heartbreaking decision that they will be living with the rest of their lives. They are choosing a path for their child that they believe will be better for them and giving their child a life they don't feel they are able to give. Don't ask the story because it is not our story to tell but theirs. Don't ask if they were a drug addict or living on the streets. These people made a selfless act that was in no way easy.

Remember that the words you use really have an affect on others. Asking questions is okay but just remember that it's the way you ask that matters the most. I would love to answer questions anyone has about our adoption and after we have our baby I can answer even more but don't be surprised if you say something hurtful (unknowingly or otherwise) I will speak up about it.

If you are reading this as a parent who has adopted please comment with any other words/phrases that people have used that have hurt. We want to educate others and give people the tools to change their words.


Someone shared this video with me. Spot on.
"If you wouldn't say it about a boob job..."

"Gracious words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the body."
Proverbs 16:24

Day Twenty

I want to start this post off with a little bit of a warning. I am not really an open person with many. This post is probably the most open many of you have heard from me. I'm not sure why I feel the need or desire to share with everyone what it is I am going through but I think it will help others understand a little bit of what it is like to be in this position. Maybe with Mother's day being yesterday and it being so hard to go on Facebook or Instagram and seeing all the happy posts from all of the mommies I just couldn't help but feel the pull on my heart. I'm sorry if this post lets you a little deeper into my life than you anticipated but I feel that it's important for people to understand that adoption is not easy and that there was heartache that came before our decision and a struggle that follows. It all can be a painful and unknown journey but I'm thankful I have God with me every step. I'm not sure what I'd do without my faith. I'm also thankful for the people that have been placed in my life that are supporting Grant and me through this whole process.

I can't stop thinking about all of the unknown that adoption brings. We aren't told when our profile book is being shown or how many expectant mothers our agency is working with. We are kept in the dark until we get that call, telling us we are matched. I keep joining adoption groups online hoping to find some solace in knowing that there are others out there facing the same fears, anxiety and unknown that I am facing. Unfortunately all I can find are people that have their beautiful babies in their arms telling me, "it's all worth it" and "don't worry, it will be your time". I wish that was what I needed right now. I have only been officially waiting 20 days now but it feels like so much longer. How am I to survive waiting for what could potentially be two years or maybe even longer? I keep telling myself, well it's good that we aren't matched yet, the money isn't there or we haven't matched yet because maybe we aren't fully ready. I keep making excuses as to why I have to wait. It hasn't just been one month, it's been years now of waiting for our baby to arrive. I know others have waited longer and maybe I'm just impatient but I can't shake this anxiousness. 

So with all these feelings fluttering through my brain I look over at my coffee table and see a book, "Adopted for Life: The Priority of Adoption for Christian Families and Churches." It's a book that was given to Grant during the Choose Joy Conference. I decided to pick it up. If you know me at all, picking up a book is never my 'go to.' I love the idea of reading and I really want to be a reader but I just am not. I try, but it never seems to work out. So, needless to say, seeing a book and grabbing it to read was some sort of a rarity for me. So anyway, I grab the book and open it to a random page just hoping I read something inspirational I guess. Well I opened to page 88 which was a good read about Hannah and her desire for children but it just wasn't what I was hoping to read. I decided to continue, which for me, is a miracle in and of itself. So as I  read I got to page 93. This, this is what I was looking for. It said,

     "If you're grappling with a so-far unanswered plea for children, let me stop and warn you about something. Remember that your life is being lived out in a world that's more than what you can see. You bear the image of God, you resemble Jesus, and you are a target for demonic principalities and powers who seek to turn your affections away from your Lord. Every one of us has weak points sized up by these rebel forces, and your struggle with infertility is no exception."

Okay God, I get it. I know I'm letting this desire become too much of me. So I keep reading and the book continues with,

     "It's easy to become bitter, envious, and covetous when you want children and fear you can't have them. Moses tells us this is precisely what heppened to our foremother Rachel when she wanted children desperately while her sister had them easily (Gen. 30:1). You can find yourself snapping at the supermarket clerk who asks if you have children, as though she asked what you look like naked. It's easy to refuse to attend your best friend's baby shower because you wish you were having one yourself. You likewise can easily shut down your emotional life as much as possible, numbing yourself to keep from getting hurt further.
     If you find yourself mistrusting God's goodness to you or caving introspectively in on yourself or unable to rejoice with those who rejoice and to weep with those who weep, recognize what's happening--and that it isn't good."

I felt like God gave me a swift kick to the face. I know this portion of the book talks more about infertility than the act of adopting but these are the same feelings I had while we were trying to get pregnant and the same feelings I have through the adoption. I have done all those things mentioned! I missed a great friend's baby shower because I was jealous and knew I couldn't get through it without crying. I emotionally left the room when a friend jokingly said, "don't let her hold the baby, she'll be the next to have one then" and I have become withdrawn to so much because of the hurt and longing inside. What's terrible too is that I know it's wrong to act this way because I know I will have my time.

I am becoming bitter and envious to those who are having babies around me and right now, I feel like everywhere I look people are having babies or are getting pregnant. I just need to step back and constantly remind myself that it's not my time yet but it will be. I may not get to dictate it or plan it but it will be. I need to rest on the fact that God has a child for me, I just don't get him or her yet. I have to wait. God must think that I am more patient then I think I am....

So there is one thing that I ask of you. Please please don't ask me often, "have you heard anything yet?" I know that you just want to know how everything is going  and that you are legitimately excited for us but my honest answer will always be, "nothing yet, still the same." I don't mean to sound unappreciative of your concern but the waiting is going to be difficult and hearing the question from so many I think will make it harder. I promise that I will let you know when something changes. There are some things you can do for us though. Instead of asking if we've heard anything, ask us if there is something you can do to help. We have constant fundraisers going on that we would love help with, whether it's donating or just getting the word out. We also love prayer. You can pray for Grant, pray for me, for our future baby, and for our future birth mother. The support you offer means the world to us and we need everything we can get. Thank you so much for understanding.



"O my Strength, I will watch for you, for you, O God, are my fortress."
Psalm 59:9