In October of 2015, Grant and I had Liam dedicated at church. This moment felt so special to me. We were giving our son back to our Father who ultimately gave him to us and we were sharing it with people that were most special to us and to Liam. It was an amazing day. Not only were my parents and my husband's mom there, but Liam's birth mom and family was there as well.
As part of being dedicated, Grant, as head of our family, was asked to say a few words and a prayer for Liam. It was such a sweet moment watching my husband share with others his hopes for our new son. It was such a blessing to have Liam's grandparents there to witness this and amazing that his birth family could see this too.
We are trying to include Liam's birth family on special moments like this as a way of keeping Liam's adoption part of his story. This is just one of the reasons we have chosen an open adoption for him.
Some people question whether our open adoption is a good idea but I think that's because they really don't know what it is. Grant and I get a lot of "whys?" and "how does that work?" I thought that, in this post, it would be a good idea to explain a little bit about what an open adoption means to us. Every adoption is unique so please understand that our relationship with Liam's birth family might look different than another adoptive family. I simply want to tell our story to help people better understand what open adoption can look like.
We want Liam to know where he came from and who he is. Having an open relationship means having visits with his birth family and sending pictures or texts on how he is doing. This doesn't mean we have scheduled or monitored visits, it just means we get together every once in a while to grab coffee, have dinner, or just chat. It's very friendly and very casual. We want Liam to grow up without questioning who he is or where he came from. I also believe that as he gets older, he'll be able to ask those tough questions of "why?" if he really wants. Having an open adoption simply gives Liam a connection with the people who can answer all of those questions for him. By having these questions answered for him, I think he'll better understand how adoption was a choice of love not a "giving up." I also think he'll have a better understanding of where he came from and what makes him so unique and special.
Some people might think it's strange to have a relationship with a child's birth family but I think there's a misunderstanding that comes with that. Having Liam's birth mom and dad in his life doesn't mean that he has a second parenting mother and father. They don't make life choices for him and they don't dictate what he does or what we do with him. Having Liam's birth mom in his life means he has another woman in his life praying for him and loving him. I'm not going to talk about her story because that is hers to tell but I will say that she has made an amazing and selfless choice and including her in Liam's life just gives him more love. I know that it's difficult to understand and for me personally, it took a lot of prayer before deciding that open adoption was what I wanted. There are so many crazy stories and I know that my head came up with a lot of scenarios that worried me. Researching about open adoption, hearing positive personal stories, and learning about the benefits of an open adoption help me put things into perspective. Grant and I are fully aware that it might be difficult at times, in fact it already has been a challenge at points, but we believe that this is what is ultimately best for Liam. And really isn't that what all parents want? What's best for their child?
Throughout this adventure Grant and I have learned to rely fully on God and to pull our strength from him. I have to say, I always thought that I was doing this in my life until things really got difficult. My faith was put on trial and I was left on my knees in prayer. Just look and see His answer though -- we have Liam, a healthy, beautiful, and happy baby boy. We want Liam to know that before he faces the trials he can put all his strength in God.
That being said, Grant and I each have chosen a life verse for Liam. We want these verses to be a part of him and to grow up knowing and believing and then, one day, choose his own life verse.
Grant chose Philippians 4:13 "For I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me". He chose this verse because he wants Liam to know and understand that he needs to always fall back on God for his strength through any situation. Grant said he knows life will be difficult and it never is easy but knowing that God is there to rely on makes it a little easier.
My verse for Liam is James 1:2 "Count it all joy my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds". I have this passage picked out for him to remind him that no matter the trials he faces, no matter what is happening in his life, that it all happens for a reason and to count it joy. Both of our verses seem to fall under the same "life is hard" umbrella but that's because it is. We don't want to hide what the world is really like and how difficult times can be but we do want him to know that no matter what happens there is a God and Father who loves him and will take care of him. I want Liam to learn to count his blessings and find joy in every adventure he encounters.
"Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it."
Proverbs 22:6
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