Welcoming our son into the world

Wow. I can't believe it's been so long since I've posted an update. Let's just say that since being matched, our life has gotten a little crazy. I'll start with saying that our little boy was born September 10th at 1:20 pm. He was 7lbs 14oz and 19 in long and he is perfect. His name is Liam and he has been the ultimate blessing to us -- we couldn't be happier.

So I thought I'd spend a little time talking about how everything went during the match, coming home, and time since then. Some people think that once you are matched then the waiting is over, the struggle with the unknown is finished and the celebrating can begin. Some people think that the adoption was as easy and going to the hospital and bringing our baby boy home. Let me just tell you all that none of these scenarios is what happens, at least not in our case. It was quite the opposite.

I'll start with the match. Grant and I were very excited to hear that we were matched. We met with our son's birth mom a few times, she chose us and we celebrated. We told our family, our friends, our coworkers, and even some strangers. We wanted to announce to the world that we would be having a baby boy. After the excitement wore off we started to feel extremely cautious about the whole situation. We were trying to guard our hearts. We were afraid to get hurt. We knew that Liam's birth mom could change her mind at any time. 

I wanted so badly to prepare for his arrival but at the same time I was afraid. I felt that somehow if I planned too much, bought too many baby things, fully set up the nursery, it would somehow jinx the whole process. I waited and put off everything I could. We had two months to wait until his arrival. I figured as time got closer then maybe I would prepare more. I even told everyone not to throw us a baby shower until after his arrival, just in case.

WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 2nd: We got a message saying that Liam's birth mom was scheduled to be induced earlier than his due date (which was Sept 17th). She was scheduled to be induced the morning of the 10th. Upon hearing this news I knew I had less than a week to prepare for Liam's arrival. That's when I started to panic. I remember I was at work, getting ready for the new school year, and panicking with some of my friends. I went on saying that I didn't have clothes or diapers or pacifiers or towels or anything. I started frantically making a list of everything I needed to get, after all, I didn't have a baby shower. I started to really stress regretting the fact that I didn't have anything prepared. It suddenly hit me that I was about to have a baby.


FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 4th: A couple of days later coming in to work I started setting up then went to our devotion and prayer with the whole staff - the way we always start our work day. Let me just preface this with, I LOVE my job. I work with the most wonderful bunch of ladies that I could ever ask for. They are always there when I need prayer, support, or a listening ear. They are more than just co-workers, they are more than just friends, they are family. That day, in devotions, they surprised me with HUGE bags full of baby essentials. Everything from clothes (in multiple sizes), shampoo, towels, pacifiers, blankets, and more. They heard the panic in my voice and got together. I couldn't believe how quickly they orchestrated everything and how much they gave. I was blown away by their love and support.

SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 6th: The next Sunday I was also surprised by my friends with a diaper bag full of little goodies, bottles, and the cutest little fox blanket, all for our boy. I've never felt so loved by all the people around me.

In four short days I was going to be a mommy. It all started to get so real so fast.





TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 8th: I went out with some of my girl friends for some tea and much needed prayer. We all met up and Peet's Coffee and gathered around to talk about our lives and share stories and pray over each other. That night I got a text message. Liam's birth mom was in the hospital. Could this be it?? I started tearing up. It hit me even harder. I knew I wasn't invited to the hospital so I'd have to wait for the "official text" to come and meet our baby. I was so happy to be in the presence of some of my best friends to share my excitement with. About an hour or so later I received another message saying that she was on her way home but had another appointment the next day to see where she was.

WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 9th: My friend came over to help me prepare a bunch of frozen meals. This was another one of my last minute preparations I was putting off. As we were cooking I got a message. Liam's birth mom was 4cm dilated and heading to the hospital. This time I was excited. I screamed, shouted, cried, and jumped for joy. I was going to be a mom. I called Grant and he was on his way home. I called my family and let them know. I texted friends and told them to pray. Liam's birth mom could still change her mind. I still had to be cautious and still guard myself but I was so overcome with joy I could hardly contain it.

That night was probably one of the hardest nights of my life. We were on the edge of our seat waiting for text updates. We stayed with friends to keep our minds off of things. I think I slept for about an hour, constantly checking my phone, hoping to hear the news. I wanted so badly to be at the hospital, at least in the waiting room, but I had to respect Liam's birth mom's choice. She would call us when she was ready.

THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 10th: Longest day of my life. We left our friends house in the morning and Grant and I decided to wait together at home, just the two of us. We were exhausted, worried, excited, anxious, nervous, and every other emotion in between. I felt sick to my stomach wondering when I would get the text. We had been getting updates on how far Liam's birth mom was in the labor but it just didn't seem to be progressing as quickly as I wanted. Throughout everything God continues to push me to rely on His perfect timing. Then there was a phone call from Liam's birth mom herself. I thought it was bad news, why would she be calling me? Wasn't she in labor? Can she talk while in labor? She must not be that far along if she can talk? My mind couldn't help but worry. I picked up the phone and Liam's birth mom told me that we could just head over to the hospital any time we wanted. She wasn't sure when she would deliver but if we wanted we could wait in the waiting room. I was THRILLED. I felt that waiting in the hospital would be so much easier than waiting at home. Grant and I quickly gathered our things and drove to the hospital. On our way we talked about our excitement and our fears. We thought about getting lunch before hand, just in case we were going to be at the hospital for a long time. We drove to a fast food place but then agreed with each other than neither of us was actually hungry and would rather be waiting at the hospital. We turned around and headed to the hospital. When we got there we checked in and headed toward the elevators. At that time, Liam's birth great grandparents came downstairs and greeted us. We chatted for a minute then got the message that she would be pushing now. We got upstairs in the waiting room and not even 5 minutes later did Liam's birth grandma come in and tell us he was here. Tears filled my eyes. My son was here. I was a mommy. If we had gone to get food I would have missed this moment. Thank you God for turning us around. What perfect timing. Grant and I silently teared up. It was hard to cover our emotions, feeling like we had to for the birth family. There was a joy and a sadness that filled that waiting room.

A few minutes later we were allowed into the room. I don't even know if i can describe my emotions at that time. There she was, this amazing woman who just went through an amazing, miraculous, and painful experience that brought me my son. And there he was, my son. He was perfect. He was sleeping on his birth mom. The nurse came in and weighed him, measured him, and gave him his first bath. After all that it was time for his first bottle. The nurse handed me my son for the first time. I stared at him. When I thought I'd be over flowing with joy I wasn't. I felt confused. In my arms was my son, but then I'd look up and see Liam's birth mom and think, this is her son. It was difficult to process. I looked at Liam and felt love and joy and then looked at his birth mom and felt sorrow. Selflessly she gave me this gift, how could I ever repay her?

We stayed and held our son, took some pictures, and held him some more. Liam's birth mom was exhausted and we knew she had been through so much that day so we left. It was so hard to leave. I wanted to stay, feed my son again, change his first diaper, watch him sleep. I didn't want to go home to our empty house and wait. Liam's birth mom still could change her mind about the adoption and that haunted my every thought. That night I barely slept.

FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 11th: Today would be the day we'd bring our son home, or so we thought. We gathered the diaper bag, the car seat, his "going home" outfit, and a cozy blanket. We were excited to see our son again and show him his new home. When we got to the hospital we met Liam's birth mom in her room and held our son. I got to feed him his meals and we all sat with each other. I still had that strange feeling and it all felt unreal. I felt like I was visiting a close friend and their son but still felt this bond between me and Liam. I wish I could describe it better. While we were there we talked with the hospital social worker and went over paperwork. Then the hospital pediatrician came in. He said he was worried about Liam's breathing and that it seemed a little rapid. They wanted to keep him one more night. My heart sunk. I thought I'd be bringing him home. I also felt for his birth mom, this means she would have to stay one more night as well. The social worker ended up doing the paperwork incorrectly making it so we were not legally his parents yet so we were not allowed to stay with him overnight. That was frustrating. That night we went home to another sleepless night.



SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 12th: We went to visit our boy. Okay, today is really the day. We packed everything up and went to the hospital. The doctor said he was still concerned and decided to have Liam spend a night in the NICU. I was devastated. Was my baby okay? This time we were allowed to be "banded" to Liam so we would be the primary visitors while he was in the NICU. This meant Liam's birth mom could go home. I watched as the woman who gave birth to my son give him a tearful goodbye kiss. I gave her a hug. I had no words to describe how grateful I was to her. I gave her a little gift that wouldn't even be close to the gift she had just given us. We followed the nurse and our son up to the NICU.

While in the NICU we had an amazing nurse. She was so sweet. She showed Grant how to change a diaper and helped us out as we fed and took care of our newborn son. She kept us posted on every check up he had and assured us just how healthy he was. We had some visitors throughout the day, friends and family and we stayed with him late in the night. After being reassured that he was in excellent hands, we reluctantly went home.

SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 13th: We went back to the hospital in the morning to see Liam. I had high hopes he would be coming home. The nurse came and told us how he was so healthy and doing so well. She said she would have the NICU pediatrician come and take a look before discharging because she heard a slight heart murmer (which is very common in newborns and normally heals with time). The pediatrician wanted to take extra precaution and said we couldn't leave until he had an utrasound. Our nurse, because she knew we wanted to leave, put in a rush order for the ultrasound and for the cardiologist who needed to look at it. Liam was a champ during the ultrasound and only fussed a little. Around 4pm or so the doctor came back and said there was a small hole but should close up normally. We would just have to schedule a cardiologist appointment in a few weeks. The nurse brought the discharge paper and we finally got to go home.

It was such a strange feeling going from no baby and little preparation for a baby and one week later bringing a newborn home. It was so surreal for such a long time. I had to remind myself that this was real and he was ours. He is our little miracle.


Now Liam is almost 4 months old. The doctor says he is such a sweet, calm, and very healthy baby. He is the joy in our lives. We keep in contact with his birth mom and birth dad. We send picture updates and visit occasionally. I hope to update the blog again sooner this time. I know this was a long post but I think the emotions behind what adoption is are different than what people assume. There are so many pieces and new dynamics to figure out constantly. It definitely is an adventure.




"I prayed for this child, and the Lord has granted me what I asked of Him. So now I give him to the Lord. for his whole life he will be given over to the Lord."
1 Samuel 1:27-28a